love, what a confusing thing
by cozmogirl
(462 views) - 2/10/05
(recorded 2/10/05 @ 11:13:04 PM)

so i went on my date with cody. he is such a sweet guy. hes a gentlemen, but at the same time hes laid back. he picked me up at about 8:30 and we went to texas roundhouse for dinner. that place is amazingly fabulous. i LOVE steak, and they have awesome steak. o man, and their caesar salad is the best ive ever had. BUT ANYWAYS! i dont really know how to take it all. hes such an awesome kid, but im not sure if im feeling anything. he makes me laugh, we have a lot in common, we love a lot of the same things, and he'll be a returned missionary by the time i want to be married. but ........ its almost as if it was too perfect. i mean, im young and i want to have fun. i want the silly moments and the goofy times. as much as i hate it, i love to be teased and tease other people. ive always grown up with an outgoing, fun, goofy, silly, random atmosphere at home. and thats what i would like the rest of my life to be like. but i dont know. its only a first date. things could end up turning out that way. who knows. giving it time is all i can do. and i plan on doing it. i also love how hes not afraid to hug me. and we dont even have to say something about it. it just happens. like he'll just go for it and lift his arm and put it around me. the sucky thing about it, though, is that he hugs like most boys. where they make the girl throw their arms over the shoulder. i HATE that!!! i hate having to stand on my tippy toes to hug a guy. im all about them putting their arms over my shoulders. its more .... i dont know ... comforting.

i dont get it. the more time goes on, the more i realize what i do and dont want in a guy. and the more i realize, the more in love i become with "him" hes everything i want. he did everything the way i like it, without even knowing thats how i liked it. the way he grabbed my hand; the way he hugged me; the way he flirted with me; the way he talked to me; the way he made me laugh; the way he called me 'baby;' but most of all, the way he kissed me. it was all so perfect. i want it again. i want HIM again. nobody else understands it. i dont even think he understands it. i just pray i could let him see how much i care for him. but theres no way. no human way i could make him understand. no human way i can make anyone else understand either. nobody gets it. i dont think anybody ever will. but i continue to pray, for thats all i can do ...
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You've got lots of time--you know that. No rush. Just let things be.

::at your service::
   [bondservant (J) 2/11/05 7:02 AM]

i totally agree with you. but its definitely one of those "easier said than done" concepts, ya know? but im really trying, honestly. thanx for the advice, too. sometimes it makes a bigger difference coming from a complete stranger. haha!

got sand?
   [cozmogirl (J) 2/11/05 10:57 PM]

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