Where do we Go?
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(recorded 3/13/05 @ 10:04:23 PM)
This is a random Entry, Don't take it for anything meaningful or spiritual or enlightening, Talib Kweli, Where do we go, I recommend it.
I walked through the shadow of the tree, heading toward the all girl dorm, hoping the snipers wouldn't be there tonight. It was an on going joke that we (any guys) would be shot if they crossed the building at night. A joke no one tested.
The moon was a little thick cresent rising slowly over the trespass of empty, starless, dreamless space. It wasn't anything exciting or dramatic but it was all there is to behold when dreaming of life. I had decided to stay on campus beyond the limits of the season and accumulate a debt of knowledge that I have no purpose for acquiring.
Some chords on the piano dance through my head and sing to me some source of inspiration of the words to say to you, so daunting and so inviting. You would be there wanting to be something I can't udnerstand and leaving me not knowing what I need to say to be in there with you.
It isn't that complicated paying some compliments and uping the stats of your karma, preparing for the eventual fall and betrayel untill the sun rises in the next morning. I should go running through the wilderness of the city and devour some of the city lights in my mind and turn them into stars in a celestialless sky.
"I should write some prose about something that doesn't mean anything but means everything to me that everyone will glance over and think 'wow, this isn't anything but some ink spilled on some bluellined page'". Still runs through my head and I want to think of dreaming of something else like running away from this place with you.
But not tonight, not while I try to figure out where I am going with this half dozen of pointless lillies, ready to make my own funeral arrangement, I'll buy the flowers myself for that one last party. It couldn't be simpler to think of simple thoughts except when simple thoughts are rhymes and their rhythm demands that I go further than my hand can take me.
"A blue, lightblue, skyblue dress is wearing you I bet, but you'll look so good without it on and I won't know what to do while holding you," prevades my thought.
Like I suspect and there you are wearing that blue and me wearing you in my eyes and wanting to be in that picture with you on the wall of love and moments and thinking about art and expression and speaking of whispers that aren't coming to mind.
"Lovely" I can't say it to you but my heart is racing when it heard itself think of the thought of your beauty. Come on. Let's go, she's there for you and she wants to see you and you're flowers and shorts and tie and mismatched facial features. There it is and I know I can't go near.
Around the corner of the library and the study hall where we first fell into the stacks and lost our clothes in the catalogues and lay there waiting for people to come and interrupt our solace and peace.
"You're so beautiful walking the way you do" I smile and say to you.
"Oh, I was justthinkingofyou and a buildingbythecornerwhere I love you" She responds, not in past tense but present knowning that she loves me there and everywhere and it wasn't the desire to touch and feel and know but to reconquer our part of Eden before someone decides to burn it to ashes and leave us gasping the gasps of love in haze and the maze of smoke.
"You ready? Cuz I don't mind just staying here lookin all night at you."
"Well, I'd like to get some food first, seeing as I made a reservation and I look stupid in this tie."
Well, the cab ride was interesting and the cabby had an eye that wondered up and down your body and I wanted to say "hey, I'm surpized you can drive that straight while looking backwards."
But when we get there the room shines and melts for you and my left leg starts bouncing as we sit down at the table and you put your hand across it to hold mine and under it our feet are holding eachother.
"I want to see you when the morning goes back to sleep and my mind is dreaming of you" breaks the silence as I shatter my meaning across to you.
"How can you when you know that love was supplanted for knowledge and that the General of desire rests quietly, illequiped and stripped of all his powers wishing that he could give something back to the world"
"Oh, but love's fire heats water, water does not cool love."
"still, all there is is pain and there is no place to be. Even when I love and love and love you."
"so that's all that's left then, it's the desire to love and be, but where can we love when we are made from a barren tree and even when together we cannot spark that which is denied us, divine love."
"I'm not looking for the divine, I'm just wanting to spend my time loving you. It doesn;t matter how far we are from salvation and freedom and that there might not be anything to look forward to, all I know is right now my eyes just want to look, love and leave themselves eternally with you."
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