All is not well.
by bondservant
(670 views) - 3/27/05
(recorded 3/27/05 @ 2:31:10 PM)
All is not well. But I'm going to ignore that. Actually, I say: "Screw that!" I'm tired of being subject to things that I can't control. How do I know that I can't control them?

I've had all sorts of little thoughts running through my head lately, many of them not so good. The kind of thoughts that sound really bad if you try to describe them to someone, and then people start worrying. They're the kind of thoughts that I know are serious, but I've tried to convince myself that they are no big deal. So I'm just stuck with these thoughts that may or may not be serious, but are horribly depressing and discouraging all the while. They are debilitating, but I don't even know if they should be acknowledged as legitimate.

That's why I've decided to send them to hell. I don't need those thoughts. They are depressing me and worrying the people around me. I think I've just been indulging myself in them--sometimes it feels strangely good to be in a bad place. No more. I don't want them or need them.

All is not well, but not for much longer.
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Yeah, I know that sounds kinda dumb--very self-helpish. While I acknowledge that those thoughts represent something legitmate, I don't think that the thoughts themselves necessarily reflect something genuine (that is, they are misconstruals or dramatizations of something of less importance).

::at your service::
   [bondservant (J) 3/27/05 2:33 PM]

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