11:20.. plenty late
by FrozNic
(980 views) - 5/21/07
(recorded 5/21/07 @ 10:54:56 PM)
It makes me laugh, the way the life stream goes.. You might think it's as easy as setting a goal and achieving it. For me, It's never been like that. I can honestly say, life in and of itself is just too twisted a thing to work so calculated. No more talk of darkness from me, I'm not even going to attempt to whither in it emotionally. It's not that I'm happy, because that's not been the case for many nights. I've discovered a stint of brainwashing lately that I'm sure is not just my own conclusion. This phrase, is the answer. "Life is what you make of it." It's through those series of ups and mostly downs that you find what makes you smile and what makes you hide. It's when the moon comes out to dance on the lakes and streams that my imagination stirs the most. Time slowly calms and I'm taken in at moments like these. It's not great but it's not dreadfully awful. If you can paint your circumstance and see that the truth is what it aught to be.. Maybe you will stop searching and realize it's where it needs to be and no change is required. No mountain to conquer, no deadline to meet, no goal that's unachievable; Just a warm smile and a soft glow of a candle is enough.

The day was nearly perfect, as I walked around the plant. Things were smooth and I was the busiest I've felt in weeks. It's nice, when things are the craziest and yet turn out better then you could ever have expected on days where the gloom threatens everything you've worked for.

It almost makes me wonder if doing it for a different reason then self improvement would make the situation so much more embracing. Although my feelings of a brainwash far exceed my faith, I find a very strange feeling questioning all of what used to be. Wondering what went wrong, I wonder if love of all things will lead me there. Every path I take convinces me that I don't know who I've become and no path I've taken has lead to that answer. I just have such a hard time believing there is something so much greater out there so "willing" to help but that help only comes though something I'm not sure I fully can believe myself. If there was such an easy road I suppose there'd be no reason for a trial, it's just this war was not one I'm sure I believe in. Without a strong reason to fight behind me, I become a pawn in a battle, with an enemy whom I know nothing about. It's so frustrating that the material contained in my head is one sided. Basically I've got all these people that have told me so many things to push me to believe in one thing. Which is all fine and great, but this same thing could happen in any religion any faith any cause. So, the question becomes, do many adults find themselves believing because of brainwash or undeniable "faith" in a god they can't see or hear. Or am I missing a vital piece of the puzzle in not knowing what you learn in the temple. I've seen grown men tell stories they whole heartily believe happened to them. Stories of messengers and visions I have a hard time doubting because of who these people are. Is this why at 19 after you've been taught it all you're given the chance to take the step up and see how powerful and true it really is? It makes me wonder then why after that point men fall prey. I can't blame it quite on knowledge because it is faith that truly leads people to not doubt. hmm another day maybe
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