Friends of Mr. Cairo
by Grinner
(592 views) - 7/10/07
(recorded 7/11/07 @ 4:32:58 AM)
(Song by Vangelis)
'Nother entry to read when I'm old and wise.
Todays protagonists are Gwen, Lilo and Friedel.
Had a more or less decent dinner with them (food didn't turn out as I had hoped, of course). Of course the conversation in the end lead to general philosophy of being, emotions etc. Generally took place between Gwen and Friedel, Lilo slept and I sort of listened in with the occasional comment on matters I had an opinion and a half idea of what to say. I can't recount the entire conversation ('twas rather lengthy), but there was a lot of talk of deeper nested emotions, problems and such. While the two were talking I noticed I had little to contribute to the ideas of pain and general despair the two seemed to enjoy between themselves. Gwen apparently was very much an outsider during her youth (kinda figures) and Friedel as well. All in all two people that are very very different yet seem to share many emotional experiences and a general understanding of those. I felt completely misplaced.
I always had an issue with all the 'deepness' emotionally or otherwise, since I figured most of it is bullshit (emo crap basically) but watching the two discuss general attitudes toward Family, friends, love etc. I'm slowly understanding that there are people that spend far more time thinking about their places here on earth and with a far greater introspective than me. It was one of the few times I just felt like I was some uninteresting, shallow being. I could not share or express emotional issues with them. Probably because I am rather private about it (hell, I don't tell myself any of that stuff), but also because I seem to have far less insight into myself and humans in general. Kinda puts me down. I guess I never really was interested in the deeper undercurrents of myself. Maybe scared, that if I looked I would find something I disliked or worse, find none.
Unfortunately I don't really know what to change. I have not the time and the peace of mind to actually sit down for some time (I highly doubt it's all taken care of in an evening) to really deeply and consciously look into the matter, even though I think it might help me overcome the general lethargy I've been feeling for a long time.
Also it might help me figure out, why I only post to OiO when I'm depressed... :)
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