My Self-Destructive Self
by Diffused
(482 views) - 10/7/03
(recorded 10/7/03 @ 9:54:42 AM)
I've realized last night that I'm spiraling down into something completely stupid. I don't want that to happen. So I'm quitting all the stupid activities that we have been partaking in. No matter how sucky life is getting, I don't think it's worth doing all the stuff that we are doing. There are other ways for me to deal with my problems and I think I am beginning to see that. Not that doing some of the stuff that we do isn't fun, it can be completly entertaining. I just don't feel that it is necessary for me to do anymore. Not that I have anything against you people that are trying to help me out, but I believe I just need to stop. There's so many other things to enjoy in life without having to become impaired. Like I said, I don't mind hanging with you guys when you're doing whatever, I just don't want to partake myself. I'm not mad, I've just come to a realization that I must stop; otherwise worse things will happen to me. Anyway thanks for the great times guys, I've got to gain some control before I totally lose it. I'm not leaving the circle or anything like that, I'm just going to be a sober observer from now on. Obviously I don't mind if you guys do it and I'm not going to be all preachy like "You shouldn't do that!", because I would be a hypocrite if I did that. I'm just telling you all that I'm done with any form of substance abuse. I already can't handle alcohol physically with out becoming ill and I'm not going to start doing something else to alter my state of mind. It's been fun and games, but no more for me. I'm out.

Previous entry: My Happy Self
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Hey man- I just wanted you to know that I'm really proud of your decision, and that I completely respect your ability to recognize something completely detrimental to your state of well being. I hope you'll hold true to this, and if you want, I'll be there for you to be accountable for, sober as well.
You're not alone with this, and I'm impressed you've decided to make that commitment. Congratulations on making that decision. It will serve you well in the long run.

   [disillusioned (J:: M) 10/7/03 10:16 AM]

Wow, surprise response. Last time he said that all you could do was laugh and bet 5 bucks at his failure...

That's cool though xac. i'm pretty sure mine will be quite cut back.

~Cut and print~
   [noprotein (J:: M) 10/7/03 10:48 AM]

you know, its not always that bad on the sober side- sometimes you get more fun, because don't always see how funny they are completely wasted.

I've been on both sides (contrary to what some of you may have seen) and being the dd has its benefits.

Its quite a wise choice you're making. It gives me a great deal of respect for you.


   [surrogate sonance (J) 10/7/03 5:10 PM]

It sounds like you've got a lot of people behind you on your decision. You're only lil support group- but I'm sure you already knew they were there. Like the rest, I'm impressed, and humbled.

"Out From Under"

To resist is to piss in the wind
Anyone who does will end up smelling
Knowing this, why do I defy?
Because my inner voice is yelling
There is a fist pressing against anyone who thinks something compelling
Our intuit we're taught to deny
And our soul we're told is for selling

Get out from under them
Resist and multiply!
Get out from under precipice and see the sky!
Get out from under them
Resist, unlearn, defy!
Get out from under precipice and see the sky!


   [Narcissus (J) 10/7/03 7:48 PM]

*own, not only... sheesh.

   [Narcissus (J) 10/7/03 7:49 PM]

You rock for the Incubus reference. That is all. :-)

   [disillusioned (J:: M) 10/7/03 8:35 PM]

Ahh... Who wouldn't love a band named after a creature that fucks women in their sleep? Ha!

   [Narcissus (J) 10/7/03 8:40 PM]

Naw, they're not. There's a few interviews with Brandon explaining that the name came from chaging the word Incubator around- it just happened to mean that too... I prefer succubus', though. :-)

   [disillusioned (J:: M) 10/7/03 8:42 PM]

Potato, potato.

   [Narcissus (J) 10/7/03 8:45 PM]

Potato, potato.

   [Narcissus (J) 10/7/03 8:46 PM]

Hmm. How did that happen? Technology... sigh...

   [Narcissus (J) 10/7/03 8:47 PM]

ack, 3 posts in a row. (chris, next in line is the ability for people to edit their comments and delete them if need be)

zach, you know that we will all back you up. the circle is strong.

   [Sliced Ice (J) 10/8/03 8:10 AM]

Ditto to the above (except for the whole part about potatoes, incubus, and double posting). Much props for your interest in self-preservation. I totally support you on this and will do whatever I can to help.
PS- mmm, your title reminds me that the new season of scrubs is on with the second episode tomorrow.
   [Canis (J) 10/8/03 9:29 AM]

Yay, Zach! I'm so glad you've made this decision! Hearing about some of the group's exploits of late had made me a little concerned for a while there, but I am glad I know you'll be there to "observe" with me when I come back and visit... and I will!

   [TCcookie (J) 10/8/03 5:53 PM]

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