A state of despondent melancholy and discontent
by noprotein
(Current Events-Related, 1790 views) - 10/6/03
(recorded 10/6/03 @ 12:32:49 AM)
Sadly, this is where i currently reside. It's hitting me now how screwed i really am. I'm trying desperately not to put things off and when i actually do them, it takes but a few moments and is generally very easy. Yet nothing gets done. I hate this. How i wish i knew how to stick to things and to study. I'm not apathetic. I care. I am smart, i know how to get the job done. I can't do mundane but important homework however. this is killing me. I missed another quiz & discussion group on saturday because it slipped my mind. I'd been thinking about it all day and even studying a bit but at 12:30 i realized.. Whoops there goes another 10% of my grade. I don't know if i truly grasp how important things are in college. In high school, putting off 20 assignments or failing a quiz, hell even a test meant you could still get an A. Now it means you fail. I honestly hope i can overcome this shortly, for i fear it is becoming an all-consuming nightmare enveloping my already tragic and dismal existence. I don't want to let my mom down, i don't want to let my friends or coworkers down and for the first time in a while, I don't want to let myself down. It always takes a rude awakening with me and i despise that about Phil. Overall i'm an ok guy but some aspects disgust me. I know we all have our flaws and problems, I just don't want this to be the big one that decides my future, especially if it's in a negative way. If i mess this up, it affects the rest of my life. Everything revolves around college. It's a test. The courses (so far) are not that difficult and the amount isn't even overwhelming. It's simply getting things done that counts and desafortunadamente para mí, this is what i cannot accomplish. What will get me to overcome this crippling obstacle that has befallen a seemingly ready, but in actuality, afraid me? I pray that answer will come and hopefully i can and will embrace it.
~Cut and print~
Previous musing: Hypocracy
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So much for hypocrisy...

   [disillusioned (J :: M) 10/6/03 2:07 AM]

If anything, doesn't this just further my note about hypocracy? Proving that no one is out of it's bitter harsh reach?
~Cut and print~

   [noprotein (J :: M) 10/6/03 2:14 AM]

Freshman year sucks. Thats just the way it goes. Everything changes for the better when you start understanding how things work. I had to work REALLY hard my first year and a half. That was the most depressing time of my life (mainly because I really didn't have a life during that time). Then apathy kicked in and I understood how I needed to approach every course I encountered. I learned to coordinate having fun and still getting my work done, and most importantly, learned how to handle dissapointment (in grades!). I also learned that in every class, more than 50% of the class has to be less intelligent than me, so there's no way I will fail if I do the work! I'm not sure if this of any encouragement to you, but I know you are a very smart guy, so you should have nothing to worry about as long as you can get the work done.

   [resplendence (J) 10/6/03 5:53 AM]

Thanks guys. I know all of you are facing similar problems perhaps or have your own but for some reason just changing these simple work ethics is very difficult. Definately going to turn things around. No one ask me to go out this week =) Thanks a ton for the words though Brent, it's actually a big help and Beth i'll email you i promise!
~Cut and print~

   [noprotein (J :: M) 10/6/03 7:29 AM]

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