Save The World, Lose The Girl (The Death of a Hero)
by resplendence
(Deep Thoughts, 1455 views) - 1/29/04
(recorded 1/29/04 @ 12:57:06 PM)
I've come to realize that I suffer from a dangerous type of savior complex. I feel this need to save my friends. However, it's not like I am trying to save them from some life threatening situation, but instead I try to save them from them.

I care about my friends very much and I only want to see them happy and I only want the best things for their lives. I want their lives to be so great that reality extends beyond what they could ever dream or imagine. But it hurts when I see them making compromises in their lives, or when they make decisions without really thinking about the consequences or even when they are just hurting. Some of them will talk with me about the situations in their lives and I become very burdened for them. It's at that point that I run to the phone booth to put on my ridiculous superhero outfit and attempt to save them (without thought if they really want/need to be saved).

I offer my advice and my take on the situation (often these situations are not any different than what I have encountered in my life and I do have wise words to offer). But for some reason I just can't let it rest there. For some reason I feel the need to push my points, sometimes too hard, and end up driving them straight into what I was trying to save them from. Some people will only learn the hard way. I guess I really need to understand this.

So, maybe it's time to retire from this ridiculous super-human pursuit. After all, I am only human myself. I don't know all the answers. I can't save everyone. I can't force someone to understand. I can't force someone to change.

I've often thought about my final words I would leave to my friends when I die. I realize that these words would embody all the passion and burdens that I have for them:

"My friends. I love you, but I must leave you now. I hope that I have left my mark on each of your lives such that I will never be forgotten. Remember to live each day to it's fullest potential: free of compromise, hate and pain, but full of joy, wisdom and love. Imagine how you want your lives to be and live them better. Above all, never forget (and if need be, convince yourselves of this point) that you deserve only the best things in life."

Though I am not dead, I am going to try to let this part of me subside. My cape is already burning along with the remaining brightly colored fragments of my costume. I no longer have a mask to hide behind. I can only come as I am.

I'm still here for you to talk to, but I'm not going to push you away from me anymore. I can't live your life for you and I will still offer my advice when it is sought, but I will leave the decisions to you. Finally, in the final words of dying hero I once knew:

"Imagine how you want your lives to be and live them better. Above all, never forget that you deserve only the best things in life."
Next musing: My Sunrise
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Notes:
An interesting turning point you've seemed to resolve to make there, Brent. I think sometimes our lives are made easier without the undue stress that so many others' stupid-decisions-over-which-we-have-no-control can bring upon us...

It's about picking our battles, and letting others pick theirs for them.

You can't win them all. And sometimes you have to watch your friends lose the hardest of them.

   [disillusioned (J :: M) 1/30/04 3:59 AM]



Sure help your friends but do not let them drag you down in the process. Yes you care about them but you can only do so much and it is not healthy to do what you are doing because you often neglect and forget about yourself. Take care of yourself before you take care of others. How can you expect to settle someone else when by forgetting about yourself you are unsettled.

   [Duo (J) 5/11/04 7:20 AM]



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