Alexander the Great
by enlite
(Reviews, 2171 views) - 11/27/04
(recorded 11/27/04 @ 3:59:05 PM)
Movie Poster... or, as someone in the theater suggested, Alexander the Fag. A film the New York Times nicked "Queer Eye for the Macedonian Guy".

Don't see this movie if you're not a fan of a) three-hour long "action" films with very little action (b) guys wearing eyeliner (c) guys wearing eyeliner kissing each other, or (d) brief almost-worth-it glimpses of Angelina Jolie.

The two-minute version:

The true story of one of history's most luminous and influential leaders, Alexander the Great (Colin Farrell) - a man who had conquered 90% of the known world by the age of 25. Alexander led his virtually invincible Greek and Macedonian armies through 22,000 miles of sieges and conquests in just eight years, and by the time of his death at the age of 32 had forged an empire unlike any the world had ever seen. The film takes a bold, honest look at Alexander's life and his relationships with Mom and Sonhis too-sexy-to-be-a-mom mother, Olympias (Angelina Jolie), his cycloptic father Philip (Val Kilmer), his lifelong friend (read: gorgeous bedmate) and battle commander Hephaistion (Jared Leto), Roxane, his ambitious and beautifully naked Bactrian wife (Rosario Dawson), and his trusted general and confidant Ptolemy (Anthony Hopkins). Set in Alexander's pre-Christian world of social customs and morals far different from todays, the film explores a time of unmatched beauty and unbelievable brutality, of soaring ideals and staggering betrayals.

The film chronicles Alexander's path to becoming a living legend, from a youth fueled by dreams of myth, glory, and adventure, to his intense bonds with his closest companions, to his lonely death as a ruler of a vast empire. Alexander is the incredible story of a life that united the Known World and proved, if nothing else, fortune favors the bold.

Rosario Dawson as The WifeWhat really happens:

The film focuses a lot on the love affairs between Alexander and his closest male companions, which, at that time was not uncommon or looked down upon. As theater patrons will prove, America today is not comfortable with seeing that on the big screen, especially with their precious heterosexual dreamboat Colin Farrell. Sorry girls, it happens. There are, for all intensive purposes, two women in the film, both with unordinary social powers (both queens). Other women in that time served two purposes: sustenance and procreation. Love, as Alexander tries to describe to his wife Roxane, takes on many forms, and is expressed in many ways. Boys were for fun; girls were for babies.

YumBut don't get hung up on awkward and weepy love scenes.

The battles (two) were decent. If by decent I mean "looking at your watch and trying to guess how much longer until the credits" then I'd say I hit it pretty close. This is no Troy. There are no great battles that keep you on the edge of your seat. The first is too long and the second is a drug trip. The last half of it is shot in red. No really.

Bottom line: Oliver Stone dropped the ball. There was little to convince me to follow this guy all over the world, his smiles were too rare for a guy This one is for Evanwho was supposed to be so beloved by his troops. There were strings of sword-slinging clichés, the relationship between Alex and Philip was always obnoxious, there was too little sense of humor and too much pomposity, and the love between Alex & Heph was awkward and clumsy and not very believable. In a Monty-Pythonesque scene, Alexander stands looking out the window soliloquizing about future conquests as Hephaistion lies convulsing in death in the background. The audience laughed out loud!

See it once, but don't say you weren't warned. If you're actually interested in the life of Alexander, wait until "Alexander the Great" is released again next year. This version is directed by Baz Luhrmann and stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Nicole Kidman, and maybe it won't suck.
Back to enlite's Notebook :: Back to the Musings
Yea. Sorry about this. It's extremely difficult for me to admit but this is the first Oliver Stone film that I haven't left either (a) liking, (b) loving, or at least (c) questioned life or something...

"It stinks!"

What I heard is he was working on this flick over 20 years ago. when he was first deciding on a part for the lead, it was Val Kilmer's but when it came to fruition he was obviously no longer the top choice. my guess is that also over the years, many other things have changed. trying to come up with new ideas or making it better it ended up fucked.


   [noprotein (J :: M) 11/28/04 6:17 PM]

That last picture was for Evan.


   [enlite (J :: M) 11/29/04 3:34 AM]

yeah, i spent more time staring at the picture then i did reading the musing........

i still think it would have been funny if the old crazy woman from requim for a dream would stumble across the screen looking for "HARRY GOLDSTEIN!!!!!"

   [Sliced Ice (J) 11/29/04 2:15 PM]

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