When she leaned over and kissed me.
(Place, 1512 views) - 12/28/03
(recorded 12/28/03 @ 1:16:49 AM)
Those sounds: such awful chords resounding in my head, but not as awful as thoughts accompanying said noises. Locking brakes and piercing horn seem incapable of issuing delightful memories. However, I remember the clear blue sky flash to white...
I'm standing on the beach. I'm collecting shells into my little red sand bucket. The ocean waves find their way over my toes and I laugh. I splash around in the small pools captured in little pockets in the sand. I see my parents. I run towards them with my newly discovered stash carried in my pail, excited to show off its contents. But before I reach them, I trip. My mother picks me up, and through my tears I see her beautiful face shining with a compassionate smile. "You'll be okay," she comforts me.
...and back to its usual hue, although seemingly brighter than before. My body tightens all over. The inescapable sound surrounds me. Somehow I know what is about to happen, although I can't admit it to myself. I remember the sound swell and then suddenly expire...
Silently, I lay on my back staring into the starlit sky. She is there with me and we are actually completely still, a rare coincidence for ten year olds. She lived next door and often we would find ourselves watching the stars from my backyard. Suddenly, without warning she leans over and kisses me. I'm stunned, thinking only of the necessity of removing those "cooties" as quickly as possible. I looked at her. She only smiled at me, and her eyes shown with a greater intensity than the stars we observed that evening.
...only to be replaced by a climactic crash of metal beating against metal. I feel the car shift as if suddenly free of all gravitational forces. I turn my head and see her: face pale and poised for screaming, but no sound escapes her lips. I remember our eyes meet; hers moist as if they were prepping themselves for tears...
I cried when I saw her walking towards me, guided by her father. She was always so lovely, but today I recognized the fullness of the beauty held by this girl I'd known for most of my life. My heart swelled and seemed to beat with every step she took towards me. When her hand was placed in mine I understood the treasure that had been handed to me. When I said "I do", I knew that it was forever. And when I kissed my bride, I recalled that kiss so many years ago: its innocence and its message: "I love you." This time, however, I would not run inside to wash it off my face.
...while mine attempt to say those things she needed to hear. "You'll be okay. I love you," I try to comfort without words. I felt the belt tighten against my waist, and watch as she begins to fall forward. I watch her forehead hit the front windshield and create a small fracture in the glass. This crack spreads quickly, and some shards tear their way through the thin layer of her fragile skin, and the blood stains the scene with the purest crimson. I feel the steering wheel imprint itself upon my chest and a sharp pain shiver through my body as my neck suddenly shifts into an unnatural direction...
"I think I might be pregnant," the excited words ran from her lips. We smiled and embraced at the excitement. The thoughts and emotions overwhelmed me as we drove to our appointment, hoping that the doctor could confirm what we had waited so long for. I looked at the vibrant woman in the passenger seat. My love for her overflowed within my heart and a thought occurred to me: I'm going to be a dad. The light is red, and I brought the vehicle to a stop. The rearview mirror revealed a truck speeding towards us, but my mind refused to understand and dwelt on happier thoughts of our future.
...and then I don't feel anything, but I still watch the scene unfold and end with the car compacted and our bodies resting against the front of what used to be our vehicle. I'm still looking at her. My eyes have never left her. She looks at me...
I heard the truck's brakes begin to lockup, and my body tightened.
...while tears and blood form a mixture that runs from her face. I notice how pale and weak she appears, but her eyes never leave mine. God, don't take her from me...
The vehicles collided.
...its just not time. It can't be the time. I love her. We have a future...
Our eyes met.
...and this is not it. These thoughts echo in my mind...
The car has become silent and still.
...until I realize that some color has returned to her face...
She leaned over and kissed me.
...and I realize that I'm not breathing...
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